Wow. Lots of showtunes this time.
Shiksa Goddess- The Last Five Years
Will I- Rent
All I Need is You- Hillsong
Fighter- Christina Aguilera
Living Proof- Bruce Springsteen
The New World- Songs for a New World
My Eyes Adored You- Jersey Boys
La Vie Boheme- Rent
Broken Vow- Josh Groban
Everybody’s Fool- Evanescence
This treasure that we have in jars of clay is more precious than all of the children. It is more valuable than all of the gold and diamonds. It is more powerful than the atomic bomb. God can do absolutely amazing things that will blow our minds if we continue to beg for His will to be done despite our own selfish desires. I continue to pray that His grace and mercy would flow like a river and that all of the feeble dams and walls that we have built up would be crushed to dust so that God may work through us so freely; that we would rejoice in not only the work that is being done around us but also of the work that is being done in us. We are in need of constant molding and continuous reshaping. I pray that we would not tread these waters of life lightly. I pray that we would stand on the Rock in the face of the storm with confidence in Jesus Christ; that He had, has and will always have the power to calm it and I pray that we will declare the same by the power of the Holy Spirit. God, You are ever lasting, ever faithful, ever true, steadfast, constant, a healer, a comforter, all knowing, mighty to save, compassionate, FORGIVING, gracious, patient, just and so much more. God, above all, You are love. I am so humbled that even though all of this is true, they are still not even close to defining You. You are indefinite. You just are. You are the great ‘I am’ because You don’t need to explain Yourself. You created all of this, the sun, the moon, stars, clouds, sky, dirt, trees, grass, rain, snow, planets, etc. You are so big and we are so small and yet we are important to You?! There are so many things yet You choose to love and look after us. You are an awesome God. To love something that hurts, turns away from and sin against You with no record of wrongs is a love so powerful that I continually pray it will be revealed to me, piece by piece. By the power of the Holy Trinity, God I claim Your people for You. God I claim and beg for You to move bigger mountains than we have seen. God I pray for big things, bigger than we can even comprehend. I pray that we would not only say the words that we sing but believe them and proclaim them. I pray that You would reveal Yourself to Your children and make Yourself so evident in our lives that we would refuse to be denied Your greatness. God, You are all that we need. In every situation, God, You were, are and always will be.
ok here it is…
Therapy- Tick, Tick, BOOM!
Aquarius- Hair
La Vie Boheme- Rent (Movie Soundtrack)
Air- Hair
One Vision- Queen
Ever Dream- Nightwish
If I Fell- Evan Rachel Wood (Across the Universe Soundtrack)
Learning to Fall- Martina McBride
Beautiful Disaster- Kelly Clarkson
Hey Jude- Joe Anderson (Across the Universe Soundtrack)
It’s funny how I can totally apply the order of these songs to my life as it is right now. So I’m going to do this once a week and see if it happens again. Enjoy (and don’t make fun of my love for show tunes and Disney!)
Strawberry Fields Forever- Across the Universe Soundtrack
It’s Not Over- Daughtry
Bella Notte-The Lady and the Tramp
Walk Away- Christina Aguliera
(Repeat/Return)- David Crowder Band
A Whole New World- Aladdin
Diva’s Lament- Spamalot
Freedom Trilogy- Nutley Choirs
Some Hearts- Carrie Underwood
Spirit in the Night- Bruce Springsteen
God, You always find me in the darkness of night
Lord, I always try too hard to walk into Your light
Walking on water, I start to sink
I run away and question everything I’ve ever seen
And I find myself looking up from the floor at Your feet
Surrendering to You that sometimes I just don’t believe that
Your truth gives me strength
Your promise gives me hope
Your loves gives me faith
Your cross gives me grace, I know
And I find myself looking up from the floor at Your feet
Surrendering to You that sometimes I just don’t believe
And You pull me up and hold me close and whisper in my ear
That You’ll never leave my side and I have nothing to fear because
Your truth gives me strength
Your promies gives me hope
Your love gives me faith
Your cross gives me grace, I know
And I can’t help but cry out loud sweet praises to Your name
Knowing that You’ll change my heart and I’ll never be the same
Lord, You always rescue me from the lies that satan told
Lord, You always warm my heart even after it’s turned cold
And we laugh and cry that finally I’ve come home again
A prodigal so lost and found that You still wish to send
And I can’t help but cry out loud sweet praises to Your name
Knowing that You’ll change my heart and I’ll never be the same because
Your truth gives me strength
Your promies gives me hope
Your love gives me faith
Your cross gives me grace, I know
That this is where I long to be,
Looking up from the floor at Your feet
I know this is where I long to be
Looking up from the floor at Your feet
I feel like this song has so much more meaning now than when I wrote it…
So I haven’t written in a really long time. The last time I wrote I was still in Jersey. Weird. A lot has happened since then. I feel like 2 Corinthians 4 can sum up a lot of my life the past monthish.
I recently finished reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. I must say that everyone I spoke to about it got extremely excited when I said that I was going to read it so the expectation was pretty high going into it. I’ll admit that it was a good book. I enjoyed Miller’s writing style. But it wasn’t as amazing or inspiring as everyone built it up to be except for one thing that really hit me hard. There is a chapter towards the end where he talks about loving your neighbor as you would love yourself (Mark 12:31, Romans 13:9, Galatians 5:13-15) and he goes on to say that he treats himself horribly and would never think to treat anyone else the same way. It’s like he’s treating others better than he is treating himself and that doesn’t sit right with him. I realized from this that I do the exact same thing. I would never treat others the way that I treat myself. I don’t treat myself that well and I find myself repenting about this all the time lately.
God is really showing me that it’s important to remember that we are His children and through that, how we undeservingly deserve to be treated by others and by ourselves.
Two weeks ago, if I were to love my neighbor as myself…..
-I would tell them that they were worthless
-I would beat them up
-I would make them feel like they weren’t good enough
-I would feed their insecurities
-I would convince them that they need to live up to the world’s expectations
-I would tell them to give into authority figures even if it’s against God’s will
Let’s just say that people wouldn’t have been lifted up if I treated them the way I was treating myself. Look at the way that you treat yourself and ask yourself if you would do that to someone else.
God has brought me into a new light and is revealing to me more about myself everyday. I am learning what it is to be a woman of God and what I am to expect and what my responsibilities are with being that. Learning how to stand firm in the truth (2 Timothy 1:7), how to hold people accountable in love (James 1:19), discerning what I am called to do and what is put on my heart (Psalm 119:124-126), and learning to embrace the person that God made me to be and to embrace the changes that He is going to make in me (Psalm 25:5).
DUMB!! Ok, so I mean, it’s not all that dumb at all. The trip to Greensboro has been postponed by 2 days. Now I’m getting back on the 26th instead of the 24th. Nick doesn’t have to go to that orientation in Florida (yay) therefore he doesn’t have to get back to Greensboro early therefore he is staying the whole time in Long Island on the mission trip. Now, this is completely awesome. I mean, they are serving the Lord and I freaking love it. I just want to get back to Greensboro!! I mean I was kind of bummed when I found out because I was planning on showing up in Long Island the night before I said I was going to to surprise everybody and I was going to be showing up in Greensboro on the 24th instead of the 25th to surprise Laura because everyone pretty much knew except for her. I guess I’m more bummed that my surprises were foiled. I mean, I’ve waited this long, two more days isn’t all that bad. The youth has to pass through Jersey on their way back to Greensboro so we’re gonna meet up and then I’ll follow them back to the Boro. Mehh!
So patience. Definitely something that I have little of and definitely something that God is trying to teach me to have more of. Not being able to sing is KILLING me. I can’t wait to get better that I just HAVE to do it anyway. I think it’s so hard for me to wait for things because I know that they are coming and I know that they are going to make me so incredibly happy. It’s kind of like this whole surprises thing. I love surprising people. When I can actually keep it a surprise, that is. I generally can’t keep a surprise from someone just because I’m so freaking excited about it and about how it’s going to make them feel and to see their reaction that I just bust at the seams. So why am I not like that about Jesus all the time? Why isn’t God something that I just can’t not talk about. Why am I not always wanting to explode and tell everyone about Jesus?
I think having patience takes a lot of trust. Waiting for something to come is trusting that it will actually come and if it doesn’t, waiting for what is supposed to come takes even more trust. But then why should it take more trust if all of my trust was there in the first place? Unless it wasn’t.
Having patience is about letting go of the reins and just hoping that I’ll end up where I’m supposed to be. So patience = trust. Surprises = Jesus. Oh, how simple it all sounds.
ok. so i remember when i was in high school and i had this theory that whenever things were going good, something bad was bound to happen. Like, whenever i was happy or content, it was just a sign that was saying that i wasn’t going to be that way for long. so, lately, like EVERYTHING has just been so exciting and amazing and i’m sooo happy and i’m just nervous that something is going to happen. Like, ok, i guess the thing that i’m most nervous about is all of the driving i’ll be doing this next week. i’m driving up to Long Island to see the youth and to get Nick and i’m nervous about the drive because it’s like a million differentroads and driving over the GWB and idk, it’s probably just my dad getting it into my head that the roads aren’t that great. I was praying about it and just asking God if i was being silly about it all and He was just like ‘you’ll be fine. i’ll provide.’ so now i thought, ok, i’m just being silly. it’s just driving, just like i do any other day. if i get lost, i get lost and i find my way back. i’m just nervous about getting into an accident because that would suck. and i can’t wait to get back to greensboro!!! ahh!! but yeah, so just be praying for safe travels please. i’m so excited to get back it’s not even funny. i can’t sit still, my mind is racing, i’m just crazy. God is just providing and being awesome as always and i just really love Him!! ahh! 7 days!
Yesterday was absolutely amazing. For those of you who don’t know, the Challenger Little League is a baseball league for kids with disabilities, ages 5-18, that I have been volunteering with since I was 9 and we were asked to play a game against another Challenger team from the Bronx yesterday at Yankee Stadium. We played the game in left field where they had set up a field for us. It was absolutely fabulous. They are tearing down Yankee Stadium this summer and there will be a new stadium for next season so it was really exciting to be there one last time before the ‘House that Ruth Built’ is gone. (I stole grass and dirt lol). But yeah, so we got there and the kids were treated like superstars. We had a crowd of 400, there were reporters and photographers everywhere. News stations were interviewing the kids. They had the line up announced and when the kids went up to bat they announced their name and showed their picture on the big jumbotron screen. It was awesome. They were treated like the celebrities that they are. I’ve seen some of these kids grow up on the baseball field and it was so heartwarming to see them go from not wanting to even get on a baseball field to playing in Yankee Stadium. Every summer since I was 9 I always looked forward to seeing all of my kids again and being a coach. I’m really going to miss this next summer and it was really hard to say goodbye to everyone. It’s starting to hit me that I’m going to be missing out on a lot of special things, not only Challenger but seeing my brothers and little cousins grow up, going to AJ’s baseball games, birthdays, etc. I’m probably going to cry a little from time to time but I think that’s ok. I know where God wants me and I know that He’ll make it all ok. Regardless, my kids played the perfect game yesterday. A lot of dreams came true and a lot of memories were made and that’s what matters.
oh hey. I’ve been locked in my house for the past two days so naturally, i’m extremely bored. Therefore, I’m just gonna write this blog about nothing significant. So I got to spend the day with Mike and Karen in NYC on Saturday which was so much fun. I was so excited to see them. They got to meet my friend Annie which was awesome as well. We walked from 33rd St. through Times Square and all the way to Central Park on 59th St. It was a long walk and it was soooo hot but it was a lot of fun. We went to lunch at Ray’s Pizza on 52nd and 7th and Mike got 2 slices of this Meat Lover’s pizza which were huge and he pretty much consumed a small child. It was amazing. oh yeah, so the reason I’m locked in my house is because I have tonsillitis. mehhh. I am on these meds until july 7th. I’m feeling better today than I was yesterday though, my fever went down, it was 101.4 or whatever. So yeah, I’m not a telemarketer anymore because the doctor didn’t want me back to work until the 8th and I was gonna be leaving my job on the 18th anyway so I called my boss and he said that it didn’t make sense for me to come back for a week. I’m totally ok with not working for the next couple of weeks though. I’ll enjoy the relaxation and it will give me more time to get all of my stuff together for Greensboro and time to hang out with family and friends before I go back as well. I’m going to play baseball at Yankee Stadium on the 10th. The Challenger Little League that I have been volunteering with since I was 9 is playing a game against another Challenger League from the Bronx there. Alicia is gonna be up here around that time too and I’m so excited to be seeing her as well. Next weekend is going to be crazy hectic. The baseball game is on the 10th, i’m going to an open mic night on the 11th, Ricky is having some crazy party where I have to dress up like a character from a movie musical or whatever on the 12th and then the 13th is Dani Chez’s graduation party. (what do you do with a BA in English?) The next weekend is when the youth will be here. I’m crazy excited to see them. I have my family picnic on the 20th and then me and my co-pilot, Nick Pegram, will be making the drive back to Greensboro! Wooot! I’m so excited. God has really provided for me this summer. I know He wants me in Greensboro and He is just doing everything to make that happen for me. I’m also learning to just be patient and realizing that the most happens when I do nothing but follow. It’s pretty stellar. I love Jesus. I can’t wait to see everybody!! Ok, as I said I’m bored and you have probably stopped reading by now (I don’t blame you one bit) so I’m going to go and make tea or whatever.
<3
